I recently found out that a friend of mine has a long lost brother. I know it's not my place to tell him, yet, I would want to know. I REALLY want to stay out of it, but I don't want him to be mad at me if he finds out later. What should I do?
Dear Secret Keeper,
First off I’m going to have to call bullshit. it’s bullshit that you want to stay out of it. Who would want to stay out of something so juicy? We live in a society where everyone wants to know every time Jessica Simpson breaks wind and you’re telling me you don’t want to be the one to tell your friend that he has a brother? Bullshit. You know you’re going to tell him. I know you’re going to tell him. Let’s just be honest with ourselves and figure out how to go about it.
Now, you have several options. Obviously the most entertaining would be to arrange some sort of encounter between the two siblings. That way you would not only be there when your friend finds out, but you’ll also get to witness the brothers’ first meeting. Will it be quiet and awkward? Will it turn out that brother number two needs a kidney and he’s been playing you the whole time?
If the potential cons of this first method feel like they outweigh the potential pros, maybe you try something a little subtler. Invite your friend over and rent The Parent Trap. Make sure it’s the 1961, Hayley Mills version and not the Lindsey Lohan version otherwise you’ll spend the whole night getting sidetracked with conversations about how Lohan had so much promise, and where did things go wrong, and do you think she’s a lesbian now or was that just a one-time deal, etc. You’ll risk your friend missing the point entirely. After the movie, start a “hypothetical” discussion about what it would be like to discover you have a long-lost sibling and then tell him. When he stops laughing or hyperventilating or doing whatever it is that you do when you find out you have a sibling that you’ve never known about, throw in the 1988 Arnold Schwarzenegger classic, Twins just to show your friend how much fun newly discovered brothers can have together. Unless, of course, brother number two really does want a kidney in which case you’re fucked either way.
Have fun with that.
If you have questions for Carrie, please send them to carrieadvice@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/notannlanders where I can solve all your problems in 140 characters or less.
